I have to abandon my usual flippant writing style for this blog entry, due to the serious nature of the subject matter. Captain Janks is in crisis.
I can't think of any Stern fan who has been more loyal, or who has sacrificed more for The Stern Show than Captain Janks. His antics are legend, and his service to Howard Stern is as remarkable as it is unrewarded.
Janks, and Kenneth Keith Kallenbach were best friends. I had the privilege of meeting them together many times. It's no coincidence that in the wake of Kenneth's death, Janks is falling apart. Rumors of drugs, and other excesses abound. Clearly, from this author's point-of-view, Jank's behavior fits the mold of classic escapist behavior.
How ironic that the central figure involved in numerous stages of Kenneth's demise is also involved in Jank's deterioration. The piece-of-shit I'm referring to is Howard Stern's surrogate-torturer, and pseudo-journalist, Steve Langford. It is so cowardly of Howard to use Langford to do his dirty work. We're not fooled. Howard can play it coy all he wants. Steve Langford is Howard's bitch, it's that simple.
Janks gave his all to Howard, but evidently it wasn't enough. Now Howard want's his blood. One might compare Howard's lust for perpetrating sadistic acts to that of a vampire's lust for blood. Instead of recognizing Jank's suffering, and lending a helping hand, and an open wallet, Howard is leaving Janks to twist in the wind. I guess when Howard 100 News gets tired of filing those hard-hitting News stories about their own Cookie Parties, they move on to feeding on fans.
Howard is so full of self-hatred that we shouldn't be surprised when it spills over to hatred of his fans. Howard even goes so far as to tell fans he doesn't care if they cancel their Sirius subscriptions. Instead of pussy-footing about his hatred of his fans, why doesn't Howard to quote Dylan "just come right out and scream it?"
Howard Stern didn't help Kenneth Keith, and he hasn't helped Janks. Howard would rather exploit a person's pain for profit, than act humanely. Let's remember, Howard divorced Alison, abandoned Java, sabotaged Jackie Martling, and more, much more. But hey, at least he let Beth pick our collective fan pockets for donations to her hobby charity. The line from the song Hair, "how about a needing friend?" is so appropriate here. I digress.
Even Artie said on-air, although timidly, that it was wrong to exploit Jank's situation. Howard won't allow his so-called News team to report on anything that might embarrass him. What a phoney. What a fake.
In closing, as a member of the Stern listening audience, and as a fan who's seen better days, I truly hope and pray Janks will emerge from this very difficult time in his life with the least damage possible. I remember Kenneth Keith in my prayers, and hope Howard will realize how despicable his treatment of Janks has been, and make amends before it's too late. I call upon everyone who reads this blog entry to petition Howard Stern to do the right thing.
For Howard Shrine Spews & Views, this is I. Humphrey saying, "Howard's a fucking creep, beyaaatch."
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