Artie Lange, Asshole of the Week by Chaunce Hayden

In this weeks Steppin' Out magazine, bloated Howard Stern sidekick, Artie Lange is named "Asshole Of The Week" for his recent DUI arrest and Lexapro excuse. See text below and column attached:

Too Fat To Fish? or... Too High Too Drive?
BY CHAUNCE HAYDEN
No celebrity has had the distinction of “Asshole of the Week” honors more than Howard Stern flunky Artie Lange. In fact, rarely does a week go by when this bloated comic doesn’t do something moronically stupid. Thus, I do my best to restrain myself and try to keep “Asshole” consideration for other celebrity standouts equally deserving. However, I cannot restrain myself any longer. Artie... you’re an asshole!
This past Monday, Lange, who in the past has lied about his drug use, addressed his recent arrest for DUI in Toms River, N.J. by proclaiming that he had been clean and sober for months. Here’s a tip for you rookies out there: Drug addicts lie, and they lie often. Lange is a self-admitted drug addict. Let’s move on.
Lange’s attorney has ordered him to keep his mouth shut about the charges, but that didn’t stop this dope from opening his big mouth once again and swearing that he blew a 0.0 on the Breathalyzer test that was given at the scene of the arrest. Yes, Artie, the Toms River Police Department has nothing better to do than to arrest innocent slobs like yourself. Maybe the cops were just big fans and wanted your autograph, though I doubt it since your fans seems to be shrinking faster than a hamburger placed anywhere near that vacuum you call a mouth. How stupid do you think we are?
So, where does that leave us? What could poor Artie have done wrong that would have led to his arrest for DUI? After all, there’s no way Lange had any booze or illicit drugs in his massive system. Hmm. Thinking... thinking... wait! Fatso apparently just remembered that his erratic driving could possibly be due to the antidepressant Lexapro! Phew! That’s it! Lexapro is to blame.
Good one, Artie! One thing, though: I’ve been taking Lexapro for three years, and I don’t ever recall being arrested for smashing into another car and failing a roadside DUI test. Indeed, Lexapro pulls you out of the gloom and doom of everyday life but causing you to drive into other cars, it does not. Nice try, chubby.
Artie Lange is scheduled to appear in court on Friday, July 17 unless, of course, Lexapro makes him forget to show up.


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Artie Lange talks about the Accident, DUI and Jail from savebabygorilla.com
July 13th, 2009
Please answer the poll question at the bottom of this article.

“Actually, I can’t talk about it. I’ll spill my guts another day. I’m actually doing something sensible and listening to a lawyer,” said Artie Lange, talking about his arrest last Friday for Suspicion of DUI after a traffic accident.

Artie explained that he was on the way back from the pharmacy to pick up antibiotics for his sick mother when the accident occurred. No wonder the police arrested him, it sounds made up already. Of course, this is just the beginning of another story in a life that turned a book into a best seller. Artie said, “It wasn’t even an accident…no, not really.” Two 20-year-old kids were in the other car involved in the collision. They both recognized Artie and were adamant that they were not close to being hurt. Artie said they were both “cool with it”.

At the time of the accident, Artie was driving a Nissan Sentra. He explained that it was a rental car because his Mercedes was in the shop getting around $8,000 worth of repairs done to it. Back in June, Artie had parked his car over night at the airport. When he returned the following day, he noticed that his car was damaged and whoever was at fault had already left the scene. Artie’s friend and director of Beer League, Frank Sebastiano called Artie to joke about how bad it looks that he was driving a Senta.

Once the police arrived, Artie was given a Breathalyzer, in which he passed with a 0.0. He swears that he was not drinking, nor was he taking any illegal drugs. However, he did say that he had just started taking a prescription for Lexapro. He said the cops were very nice and cordial about everything.

After the arrest, Artie was taken to jail and only stayed there for about an hour and a half. Artie recounted, “Oddly enough, I am very familiar with those surroundings. It was weird being in a cell, I was like, I’ve been here before.” He thought it was his 18th time he had been arrested. While there he was given a urine test to check for narcotics. Artie said that he voluntarily took all the tests.

Artie’s court date is scheduled for this Friday. He said he is taking this all very seriously since it is a DUI and can lose his license and possibly work. Artie joked about his mug shot, “I already had a mug shot, I think I was happy with my first couple…and what I must look like in this mug shot because I hadn’t showered yet and neglected to shave the entire vacation.”



source

Artie Lange, Asshole of the Week by Chaunce Hayden

In this weeks Steppin' Out magazine, bloated Howard Stern sidekick, Artie Lange is named "Asshole Of The Week" for his recent DUI arrest and Lexapro excuse. See text below and column attached:

Too Fat To Fish? or... Too High Too Drive?
BY CHAUNCE HAYDEN
No celebrity has had the distinction of “Asshole of the Week” honors more than Howard Stern flunky Artie Lange. In fact, rarely does a week go by when this bloated comic doesn’t do something moronically stupid. Thus, I do my best to restrain myself and try to keep “Asshole” consideration for other celebrity standouts equally deserving. However, I cannot restrain myself any longer. Artie... you’re an asshole!
This past Monday, Lange, who in the past has lied about his drug use, addressed his recent arrest for DUI in Toms River, N.J. by proclaiming that he had been clean and sober for months. Here’s a tip for you rookies out there: Drug addicts lie, and they lie often. Lange is a self-admitted drug addict. Let’s move on.
Lange’s attorney has ordered him to keep his mouth shut about the charges, but that didn’t stop this dope from opening his big mouth once again and swearing that he blew a 0.0 on the Breathalyzer test that was given at the scene of the arrest. Yes, Artie, the Toms River Police Department has nothing better to do than to arrest innocent slobs like yourself. Maybe the cops were just big fans and wanted your autograph, though I doubt it since your fans seems to be shrinking faster than a hamburger placed anywhere near that vacuum you call a mouth. How stupid do you think we are?
So, where does that leave us? What could poor Artie have done wrong that would have led to his arrest for DUI? After all, there’s no way Lange had any booze or illicit drugs in his massive system. Hmm. Thinking... thinking... wait! Fatso apparently just remembered that his erratic driving could possibly be due to the antidepressant Lexapro! Phew! That’s it! Lexapro is to blame.
Good one, Artie! One thing, though: I’ve been taking Lexapro for three years, and I don’t ever recall being arrested for smashing into another car and failing a roadside DUI test. Indeed, Lexapro pulls you out of the gloom and doom of everyday life but causing you to drive into other cars, it does not. Nice try, chubby.
Artie Lange is scheduled to appear in court on Friday, July 17 unless, of course, Lexapro makes him forget to show up.


-----

Artie Lange talks about the Accident, DUI and Jail from savebabygorilla.com
July 13th, 2009
Please answer the poll question at the bottom of this article.

“Actually, I can’t talk about it. I’ll spill my guts another day. I’m actually doing something sensible and listening to a lawyer,” said Artie Lange, talking about his arrest last Friday for Suspicion of DUI after a traffic accident.

Artie explained that he was on the way back from the pharmacy to pick up antibiotics for his sick mother when the accident occurred. No wonder the police arrested him, it sounds made up already. Of course, this is just the beginning of another story in a life that turned a book into a best seller. Artie said, “It wasn’t even an accident…no, not really.” Two 20-year-old kids were in the other car involved in the collision. They both recognized Artie and were adamant that they were not close to being hurt. Artie said they were both “cool with it”.

At the time of the accident, Artie was driving a Nissan Sentra. He explained that it was a rental car because his Mercedes was in the shop getting around $8,000 worth of repairs done to it. Back in June, Artie had parked his car over night at the airport. When he returned the following day, he noticed that his car was damaged and whoever was at fault had already left the scene. Artie’s friend and director of Beer League, Frank Sebastiano called Artie to joke about how bad it looks that he was driving a Senta.

Once the police arrived, Artie was given a Breathalyzer, in which he passed with a 0.0. He swears that he was not drinking, nor was he taking any illegal drugs. However, he did say that he had just started taking a prescription for Lexapro. He said the cops were very nice and cordial about everything.

After the arrest, Artie was taken to jail and only stayed there for about an hour and a half. Artie recounted, “Oddly enough, I am very familiar with those surroundings. It was weird being in a cell, I was like, I’ve been here before.” He thought it was his 18th time he had been arrested. While there he was given a urine test to check for narcotics. Artie said that he voluntarily took all the tests.

Artie’s court date is scheduled for this Friday. He said he is taking this all very seriously since it is a DUI and can lose his license and possibly work. Artie joked about his mug shot, “I already had a mug shot, I think I was happy with my first couple…and what I must look like in this mug shot because I hadn’t showered yet and neglected to shave the entire vacation.”



source

Hitler reacts to Howard's vacation

Thanks Roger_Paw for the info

Hitler reacts to Howard's vacation

Thanks Roger_Paw for the info

UPDATE 2: Artie busted for DUI

The Star-Ledger has more details:

TOMS RIVER -- Howard Stern sidekick Artie Lange was charged with driving under the influence after he crashed his car into another vehicle in Toms River this afternoon.

Lange, 41, was driving a leased 2009 silver Nissan Sentra on Silver Bay Road around 1:30 p.m. when he rear-ended a car stopped to make a left turn onto Brand Road while he intended to proceed straight, said Toms River police Capt. Steven Henry.

The second car, a silver 2004 Pontiac Grand Am, was occupied by two 18-year-old males from Toms River, Henry said. Both vehicles sustained minor damage but no one was injured, he said.

At the scene, the investigating officer determined Lange appeared to be under the influence, Henry said, noting that police could not immediately determine whether there was alcohol or drugs allegedly involved.

Lange, who lives in Roseland, was arrested and charged with careless driving and driving under the influence, Henry said.

He said Lange was released at 4:45 p.m. but the Nissan would be impounded for 24 hours.

Henry did not know why Lange, who was alone in the car, was in Toms River but said he is known to have friends who live in the township.

He said Investigating Officer Brian Jarka recognized the comedian, who Henry said acted like a "complete gentleman" and was "very cooperative" with authorities.

Lange is scheduled to appear Saturday night at the Toms River branch of the Ocean County Library for a discussion and signing of his book, ``Too Fat To Fish,'' to benefit the library.

UPDATE 2: Artie busted for DUI

The Star-Ledger has more details:

TOMS RIVER -- Howard Stern sidekick Artie Lange was charged with driving under the influence after he crashed his car into another vehicle in Toms River this afternoon.

Lange, 41, was driving a leased 2009 silver Nissan Sentra on Silver Bay Road around 1:30 p.m. when he rear-ended a car stopped to make a left turn onto Brand Road while he intended to proceed straight, said Toms River police Capt. Steven Henry.

The second car, a silver 2004 Pontiac Grand Am, was occupied by two 18-year-old males from Toms River, Henry said. Both vehicles sustained minor damage but no one was injured, he said.

At the scene, the investigating officer determined Lange appeared to be under the influence, Henry said, noting that police could not immediately determine whether there was alcohol or drugs allegedly involved.

Lange, who lives in Roseland, was arrested and charged with careless driving and driving under the influence, Henry said.

He said Lange was released at 4:45 p.m. but the Nissan would be impounded for 24 hours.

Henry did not know why Lange, who was alone in the car, was in Toms River but said he is known to have friends who live in the township.

He said Investigating Officer Brian Jarka recognized the comedian, who Henry said acted like a "complete gentleman" and was "very cooperative" with authorities.

Lange is scheduled to appear Saturday night at the Toms River branch of the Ocean County Library for a discussion and signing of his book, ``Too Fat To Fish,'' to benefit the library.

UPDATE: Artie Lange busted

From the Asbury Park Press:

Comedian Artie Lange charged with DWI in Toms River

Bad boy radio personality Artie Lange was charged with driving under the influence of an intoxicant and with careless driving today after police responded to a minor traffic accident.

A police detective discovered Lange at the scene of a minor motor vehicle collision at Silver Bay and Brand avenues, reported at about 1:30 p.m., said Capt. Steve Henry.

Lange, 41, scheduled to appear at the Ocean County Library here Saturday night, was charged with driving under the influence by Patrolman Brian Jarka based on an assessment done at the police station, Henry said.

"There was no indication that he was under the influence of illicit drugs," Henry said.

But he was under the influence according to the psychological and physical assessment, Henry said.

A laboratory sample was taken to substantiate the assessment, Henry said.

Detective John Bajcic was driving in the Silverton section when he came up to the minor accident and stopped to investigate.

"Mr. Lange was 100 percent cooperative," Henry said.

Patrolman Gary Flynn responded to the reported crash and Lange was taken to police headquarters.

Lange is scheduled to appear at the main branch of the Ocean County Library 7 p.m. Saturday to discuss his New York Times best-seller, "Too Fat to Fish."

A former star of the television show "MADtv," Lange also has appeared in the movies "Dirty Work," 'Elf," 'Old School" and "Beer League," which he also co-wrote and produced.