by I. Humphrey
IgnatsHumphrey@aol.comCheck out our fearless leader:
For Howard Shrine Spews & Views this is I. Humphrey saying, "Agggggg, that dude be fugly beyaaaatch!"
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Sal Governale's Copycat Penis Puppetry - "A Renaissance of Faggotry."
by I. Humphrey
IgnatsHumphrey@aol.com
Howard Stern may bill himself as Mr. Originality, but his exhibitionistic flunky Sal Governale's new name should be Mr. Copycat. As an investigative reporter I feel somewhat foolish writing about something as insubstantial and nutty as Sal's penis. Seriously, of all the acts Sal could rip-off, wasn't there a more interesting bit than contorting his uncircumcised pecker into stupid shapes?
Yesterday while Sacha Baron Cohen's Bruno character appeared on The Howard Stern Show, Sal pulled down his pants and debuted his "drill bit" penis puppet. The "drill bit" is created when Sal pulls his foreskin forward, and twists it like a rubber band into a shape resembling a drill bit. Today Sal's foreskin made an encore appearance as a "drill bit" and "a bird eating a worm." Sal's repertoire is growing exponentially. Wednesday's show will undoubtedly feature twice as many penis puppets.
Penis Puppetry exploded on the stage over eleven-years ago in Melbourne, Australia. The originators and performers were Simon Morley and David Friend. Their web site is: www.puppetryofthepenis.com. If Sal is going to steal someone's act, the least he could do is give them credit. And Howard, as the King of All Media must surely be aware of the fact that Sal's new act is stolen property.
Culture aficionados, and theater lovers will be happy to learn that Penis Puppetry is alive and well and living in New York, on Broadway's Great White Way. For tickets Click Here. The show runs 90-minutes with a 15-minute intermission in case you need to throw-up, or stroke your own meat-puppet and run-a-batch. People with orchestra seats should wear goggles.
If your idea of fun is spending an evening on Broadway watching two men play with themselves, then you'll enjoy cozying up with a cup of warm milk and a copy of Puppetry of The Penis (ironically ranked higher than Howard Stern's Private Parts on Amazon.com), also available as a DVD. Speaking of Howard Stern, he's invented a few penis puppets of his own called, acorn, worm-in-the-bush, Where's Waldo?, and find the Jew.
If there is any justice in the world, Sal will be thrown into the slammer where he can show off his penis puppetry to an inmate audience hungry for quality entertainment. I'm sure Sal's cellmate will be happy to introduce Sal to his own drill bit.
If Penis Puppetry isn't your bag, then whip out your labia and dive into Puppetry of The Vagina as performed by Sharon O'Taint.
For Howard Shrine Spews & Views, this is I. Humphrey saying, "if you do cool stuff with your cock you better get it tattooed with a copyright symbol, beyaaaatch."
... you know, one really has to wonder what Sal Governale a.k.a. Sal The Stockbroker's former clients think when they listen to Sal play with his penis on The Howard Stern Show. Imagine having invested, and then lost money with Sal. Is the missing money in his pouch? This is more outrageous than the Bernie Madoff ponzi scheme. The S.E.C. should audit Sal's cock. Is penis puppetry part of the Series 7 Stockbroker License test? Can Sal shape his penis into a dollar sign, or into a key and pick a lock? And, what kind of country do we live in where there's almost ten percent unemployment, and yet an attention whore who makes puppets with his penis foreskin can use the fruits of his labor to buy a brand new Cadillac? On the loan application, where it says occupation, did Sal write, "puppeteer?" Based upon Gary Dell'Abate's comment that the penis puppet segment was "radio gold," and "a renaissance of faggotry," Sal's next penis puppet should be a Bababooey toothbrush with "toothpaste." Advice to Sal: If you want your greedy, spoiled, materialistic wife to touch your soprassata sausage you should try keeping the credit cards in your pouch. ... And I'm spent. Whew!
Photo from HowardStern.com -- notice how it only takes one or two pixilations to cover the puppet.
Sal Governale's Copycat Penis Puppetry - "A Renaissance of Faggotry."
by I. Humphrey
IgnatsHumphrey@aol.com
Howard Stern may bill himself as Mr. Originality, but his exhibitionistic flunky Sal Governale's new name should be Mr. Copycat. As an investigative reporter I feel somewhat foolish writing about something as insubstantial and nutty as Sal's penis. Seriously, of all the acts Sal could rip-off, wasn't there a more interesting bit than contorting his uncircumcised pecker into stupid shapes?
Yesterday while Sacha Baron Cohen's Bruno character appeared on The Howard Stern Show, Sal pulled down his pants and debuted his "drill bit" penis puppet. The "drill bit" is created when Sal pulls his foreskin forward, and twists it like a rubber band into a shape resembling a drill bit. Today Sal's foreskin made an encore appearance as a "drill bit" and "a bird eating a worm." Sal's repertoire is growing exponentially. Wednesday's show will undoubtedly feature twice as many penis puppets.
Penis Puppetry exploded on the stage over eleven-years ago in Melbourne, Australia. The originators and performers were Simon Morley and David Friend. Their web site is: www.puppetryofthepenis.com. If Sal is going to steal someone's act, the least he could do is give them credit. And Howard, as the King of All Media must surely be aware of the fact that Sal's new act is stolen property.
Culture aficionados, and theater lovers will be happy to learn that Penis Puppetry is alive and well and living in New York, on Broadway's Great White Way. For tickets Click Here. The show runs 90-minutes with a 15-minute intermission in case you need to throw-up, or stroke your own meat-puppet and run-a-batch. People with orchestra seats should wear goggles.
If your idea of fun is spending an evening on Broadway watching two men play with themselves, then you'll enjoy cozying up with a cup of warm milk and a copy of Puppetry of The Penis (ironically ranked higher than Howard Stern's Private Parts on Amazon.com), also available as a DVD. Speaking of Howard Stern, he's invented a few penis puppets of his own called, acorn, worm-in-the-bush, Where's Waldo?, and find the Jew.
If there is any justice in the world, Sal will be thrown into the slammer where he can show off his penis puppetry to an inmate audience hungry for quality entertainment. I'm sure Sal's cellmate will be happy to introduce Sal to his own drill bit.
If Penis Puppetry isn't your bag, then whip out your labia and dive into Puppetry of The Vagina as performed by Sharon O'Taint.
For Howard Shrine Spews & Views, this is I. Humphrey saying, "if you do cool stuff with your cock you better get it tattooed with a copyright symbol, beyaaaatch."
... you know, one really has to wonder what Sal Governale a.k.a. Sal The Stockbroker's former clients think when they listen to Sal play with his penis on The Howard Stern Show. Imagine having invested, and then lost money with Sal. Is the missing money in his pouch? This is more outrageous than the Bernie Madoff ponzi scheme. The S.E.C. should audit Sal's cock. Is penis puppetry part of the Series 7 Stockbroker License test? Can Sal shape his penis into a dollar sign, or into a key and pick a lock? And, what kind of country do we live in where there's almost ten percent unemployment, and yet an attention whore who makes puppets with his penis foreskin can use the fruits of his labor to buy a brand new Cadillac? On the loan application, where it says occupation, did Sal write, "puppeteer?" Based upon Gary Dell'Abate's comment that the penis puppet segment was "radio gold," and "a renaissance of faggotry," Sal's next penis puppet should be a Bababooey toothbrush with "toothpaste." Advice to Sal: If you want your greedy, spoiled, materialistic wife to touch your soprassata sausage you should try keeping the credit cards in your pouch. ... And I'm spent. Whew!
Photo from HowardStern.com -- notice how it only takes one or two pixilations to cover the puppet.
Artie Lange, Asshole of the Week by Chaunce Hayden
In this weeks Steppin' Out magazine, bloated Howard Stern sidekick, Artie Lange is named "Asshole Of The Week" for his recent DUI arrest and Lexapro excuse. See text below and column attached:
Too Fat To Fish? or... Too High Too Drive?
BY CHAUNCE HAYDEN
No celebrity has had the distinction of “Asshole of the Week” honors more than Howard Stern flunky Artie Lange. In fact, rarely does a week go by when this bloated comic doesn’t do something moronically stupid. Thus, I do my best to restrain myself and try to keep “Asshole” consideration for other celebrity standouts equally deserving. However, I cannot restrain myself any longer. Artie... you’re an asshole!
This past Monday, Lange, who in the past has lied about his drug use, addressed his recent arrest for DUI in Toms River, N.J. by proclaiming that he had been clean and sober for months. Here’s a tip for you rookies out there: Drug addicts lie, and they lie often. Lange is a self-admitted drug addict. Let’s move on.
Lange’s attorney has ordered him to keep his mouth shut about the charges, but that didn’t stop this dope from opening his big mouth once again and swearing that he blew a 0.0 on the Breathalyzer test that was given at the scene of the arrest. Yes, Artie, the Toms River Police Department has nothing better to do than to arrest innocent slobs like yourself. Maybe the cops were just big fans and wanted your autograph, though I doubt it since your fans seems to be shrinking faster than a hamburger placed anywhere near that vacuum you call a mouth. How stupid do you think we are?
So, where does that leave us? What could poor Artie have done wrong that would have led to his arrest for DUI? After all, there’s no way Lange had any booze or illicit drugs in his massive system. Hmm. Thinking... thinking... wait! Fatso apparently just remembered that his erratic driving could possibly be due to the antidepressant Lexapro! Phew! That’s it! Lexapro is to blame.
Good one, Artie! One thing, though: I’ve been taking Lexapro for three years, and I don’t ever recall being arrested for smashing into another car and failing a roadside DUI test. Indeed, Lexapro pulls you out of the gloom and doom of everyday life but causing you to drive into other cars, it does not. Nice try, chubby.
Artie Lange is scheduled to appear in court on Friday, July 17 unless, of course, Lexapro makes him forget to show up.
-----
Artie Lange talks about the Accident, DUI and Jail from savebabygorilla.com
July 13th, 2009
Please answer the poll question at the bottom of this article.
“Actually, I can’t talk about it. I’ll spill my guts another day. I’m actually doing something sensible and listening to a lawyer,” said Artie Lange, talking about his arrest last Friday for Suspicion of DUI after a traffic accident.
Artie explained that he was on the way back from the pharmacy to pick up antibiotics for his sick mother when the accident occurred. No wonder the police arrested him, it sounds made up already. Of course, this is just the beginning of another story in a life that turned a book into a best seller. Artie said, “It wasn’t even an accident…no, not really.” Two 20-year-old kids were in the other car involved in the collision. They both recognized Artie and were adamant that they were not close to being hurt. Artie said they were both “cool with it”.
At the time of the accident, Artie was driving a Nissan Sentra. He explained that it was a rental car because his Mercedes was in the shop getting around $8,000 worth of repairs done to it. Back in June, Artie had parked his car over night at the airport. When he returned the following day, he noticed that his car was damaged and whoever was at fault had already left the scene. Artie’s friend and director of Beer League, Frank Sebastiano called Artie to joke about how bad it looks that he was driving a Senta.
Once the police arrived, Artie was given a Breathalyzer, in which he passed with a 0.0. He swears that he was not drinking, nor was he taking any illegal drugs. However, he did say that he had just started taking a prescription for Lexapro. He said the cops were very nice and cordial about everything.
After the arrest, Artie was taken to jail and only stayed there for about an hour and a half. Artie recounted, “Oddly enough, I am very familiar with those surroundings. It was weird being in a cell, I was like, I’ve been here before.” He thought it was his 18th time he had been arrested. While there he was given a urine test to check for narcotics. Artie said that he voluntarily took all the tests.
Artie’s court date is scheduled for this Friday. He said he is taking this all very seriously since it is a DUI and can lose his license and possibly work. Artie joked about his mug shot, “I already had a mug shot, I think I was happy with my first couple…and what I must look like in this mug shot because I hadn’t showered yet and neglected to shave the entire vacation.”
source
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
